The Reason Behind the Name "Invulnerable Fragility"

 "Invulnerable Fragility" is an oxymoron, I know.  When I tried to name this blog I went through several names.  The first was "Get a Clue; Have a Heart" and I debated about making it a Facebook page rather than a blog and involving my husband.  As I thought it about, though, it didn't quite feel right.  So I went back to the drawing board and asked myself a series of questions.  Why am I doing this? What is the reason that I want to blog in the first place? Who is my audience? Answering these questions helped me to find a more defined path. 

Several months ago, maybe even last year, my supervisor at work asked me and a co-worker to watch Brene Brown's Ted Talk on Vulnerability.  He said it had changed his life and felt we would benefit and he wanted us to discuss.  I started watching it casually from the link in the text he sent me and very quickly realized it was deeper than I thought it would be.  I needed to watch it more intently and preferably on a larger screen.  So I waited until I had some alone time and was able to watch from my computer.  I watched it twice and took notes the second time. 

I have never been super outspoken or assertive.  Due to my lack of assertiveness I am more of a go-with -the-flow kind of person to keep from making too many waves because I do actually care deeply what others think of me.  One of my personal goals is to be kind to everyone and that others will acknowledge that kindness as well.  There are times though when being kind has required me to be frank and direct and to stand up to some people in order to protect myself and others from bullies who would cause harm.  This is part of a personal conviction I have to also stand up for what is right no matter the place or cost.  I am still working on these things but as I get older, I get more and more bold and realize that I have to take the good AND the bad that comes from my choosing to take a stand.  

Brene Brown calls this concept the "arena".  Well, she actually got the idea from a quote by Teddy Roosevelt. The quote also mentions that being a part of this "arena" requires "daring greatly".   

This quote inspired her to pick herself up when she was down and to keep walking and moving forward in her purpose even though she may not make every friend, be loved by all, or even be accepted by some.  Brene Brown wrote this in her book "Daring Greatly" in response to naysayers and those critics who want nothing more than to bring us down.  

These thoughts about the "arena" gave me confidence and courage in my own arena (this struggle to fight racism) and encouraged me to be vulnerable daringly while ignoring critics who aren't even part of this fight.  

After the death of George Floyd I saw the outrage by many of my friends of all races.  I saw so many people come together in agreement that this was not right and I hoped that maybe now my friends of color would see the change they so desperately wanted and needed.  Then came the riots and set us all back.  The violence we have seen afterwards has been hard to see.  Too many of those who were on board with "Black Lives Matter" after George Floyd lost their respect for the "movement" when the news painted the response as violent and degrading and even murderous.  I saw the same people whom I was proud to have in the arena of this racial struggle exit quickly as naysayers and critics multiplied.  They walked out of the arena and took a seat among critics repeating the mantra "All Lives Matter" "Blue Lives Matter" and "Rioting and looting and destruction of property is NEVER okay!" and they withdrew their support leaving the rest of us in the arena bloody and tired.  

I am white and am "new" to this movement.  I say new because it isn't that I have just realized the impact and existence of systemic racism but that I haven't had to deal with it for generations like people of color have and that I am fighting for something I have not experienced personally but for something I want to see justice for because I truly value all lives and have empathy for my fellow human beings.  My clothes are not yet stained in the struggle like theirs but I am finding the longer I fight in the arena, the more stained they become.  Being in this particular arena does not make me popular or accepting among many.  I get called names either directly or indirectly and lots of assumptions are made.  It is assumed, because I am part of this arena, that I must hate police, am a Democrat, am led on by the liberal media, and hate Trump.  Only one of those things are true.  I do NOT hate police.  I love them.  I work with them and I appreciate them immensely.  I am neither Democrat nor Republican because I find myself "politically homeless" like many other moderate Americans and find that neither party has all the right answers.  The information I have learned about race that has sparked my interest does NOT come from the news.  It has come from a lifetime of experiences in the South, being in an interracial marriage with my black husband, being the mother of my biracial children, and my education as a Sociology major.  The news only shows me more evidence that the things I've lived and learned are true.  

Now for the "fragile" part of my blog title.  Seeing my friends turn away from or fight this movement, I heard many of the same "lines" and excuses.  It's always the same.  I realized that I hadn't read many of the books that some were reading to better understand and thought I should read them too in order to stay current.  I had participated in many conversations at work about race relations and we were given permission to use work funds to purchase books to help us better understand.  I took advantage of that permission and purchased the book "White Fragility" by Robin DiAngelo along with four other books.  Reading "White Fragility" felt as if I had found a woman after my own heart.  DiAngelo spoke very directly about her experiences as a diversity trainer and why and how white people are fragile when discussing race.  One of her main points is that we as white people can never be done with the work of being anti-racist.  I felt very connected to this claim.  Being married for 15 years and learning all that I have learned, I STILL have to watch myself and make sure that I am not being racist or stereotyping or discriminatory because every now and then, I am reminded of my ignorance.  

Being brave and vulnerable became important to me after reading and watching Brene Brown.  Recognizing, admitting, and desiring to work through my "white fragility" came from the book by Robin DiAngelo.  When I settled on this title I thought, "I want to blog about my journey through fixing or repairing my white fragility to becoming a better friend and ally to people of color".  I wanted to be able to say my true feelings because sometimes, I hold back on Facebook or other places but I've always liked writing better than speaking anyway.  This is a place that I can't muck up someone's newsfeed with my constant postings of race but people can come voluntarily to in order to learn (I hope) and to be inspired to be a part of this arena and find courage to keep up with the fight.  Since being fragile holds us back from this, I needed to come up with a word that would be opposite of fragile but would speak to the need of constant improvement.  So with "Invulnerable Fragility" I am both solid in my being part of the fight yet understand I still make mistakes and have need for improvement.  So with this blog, let me be honest, vulnerable, and real.  And hopefully I can learn to be better in the process.